A change in attitude.

I have learned in the past week that crying over circumstances is just bad and stinks a lot. Would I like to be a stay at home mom? Absolutely! 100%! You name the day and I am there! But right now that is just not possible. All last week I cried and was upset over going back to work and missing out on Eden during the day (don't get me wrong, I like my job but I like my little girl more). While I still do feel I am missing out on her during the day I decided to change my attitude and thoughts. I am working because I am doing what is best for my family right now at this exact moment. I am doing what is best for Eden and what is best for Garrett and I. Garrett would love for me to stay home also and he is trying to make that happen but until then, I can’t let myself get depressed over it. One thing that has helped is that I remind myself that I get to spend time with Eden while she is at her best – in the morning when she wakes up and wants to play and eat, at lunch time when she is hungry and alert, and in the evenings when she wants to be snuggled.

I still cry every once in awhile and still need reassurance that I am doing the right thing (which Garrett does every day). There have been plenty of women (and men) who think I should stay home regardless of our financial ability. Their judgment hurts a lot and a lot of them mean no harm but it still hurts. If there was a way, we would. I am not working so we can go on a trip or live a lavish lifestyle or buy a new car or so I can get new clothes, I am working to pay bills and provide health insurance. Garrett just does not make enough to cover our basic needs each month (if he had my job and I had his I would be able to stay at home). And what bothers me the most is when people think Garrett is not doing all he can to provide for us. He is and has always done that.

Probably the hardest part for me right now is balancing time. My evenings are spent with my family because I don’t get to during the day. I signed up for a women’s Bible study but am probably not going to do it since it will take time away from the already small amount of evening time during the week that I get to spend with Eden. I also feel left out in many of the “groups” I am in. Everyone we know at our church stays at home with their kids, there really isn’t any one for me to really share my struggles with. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of wonderful people to talk to about these things but no one who understands and can relate. Then here at work, these women want to work – this works for them and staying at home isn't for everyone but they don’t understand where I am coming from. I am once again the odd man out. Oh well.

Okay, okay, I am done with my little rant…I just needed to get it off my chest.

On to something that I know you will want to actually read – how Eden is doing!

She had her 2 month check up and shots. She weighs 10lbs 12oz and is 22 inches tall - it made me laugh that the doctor said that! She is plumping up:) The doctor said she is doing really well and is surprised that she is already almost sleeping through the night (she gets up at about 5am after going to be at 8:30pm) since she is exclusively breastfed. Her shots went well but I felt so bad because she was sucking on her paci and they stuck the needle in her first leg and her eyes got big and out came her paci and a sad face came up and she took a big breath in…then came the saddest scream/cry I have ever heard. She did great though! She was happy as soon as they were over and I got her fed.

Eden is such a joy:) We like getting her from her crib in the morning and playing with her in bed. She smiles all the time for us and is so alert. She also loves to go for walks and she takes showers all by herself! Just kidding but we do take her in the shower with us and she loves it!

Anywho, thanks for reading this and letting me vent a bit. We are praying that Garrett will find a better job to support our family and that God would ease the ache of my heart. So for now I am just taking each day as it comes and being thankful for what God has provided us as a means to provide for our family.