I wanted a pug but I’ll settle for a badger.

Okay, now I have a little story to tell and it’s not really Eden related but I will try and make it so it is. You see, every morning when Eden goes to make coffee she peers out into the backyard. Eden has always wanted a pug but dad says no to a pet just yet which makes both Eden and I sad. Anyway, one morning when Eden was putting away the dishes before making coffee she noticed a little grey animal chillin’ in the back yard. She came running to me and told me to come look. We thought our prayers for a pug had been answered until I realized it wasn’t a pug. Eden went to tell dad that there was a furry little creature in the backyard and to come look. Dad looked in the backyard and saw nothing and thought both Eden and I made the whole thing up. Eden and I saw the furball several times over a few days and Eden wanted to pet it but I said no. But since dad won’t let us get a pug just yet I said we could keep it.

Then this week, Garrett came home and told us he saw our little furry friend! We discussed what we thought it was. Eden and I thought it was a beaver without a tail or the buckteeth that got abandoned by his family because of his disabilities (he was unable to make a dam – how shameful). Garrett told us that it was probably a muskrat (none of us had ever seen one so we didn’t know what it was). But a day later after Garrett examined the little creature he determined it was a badger. We decided he needed a name and Eden thought Badge would be cool but dad thought Bob was better. Well, Eden and I out ruled dad on this one and his name is Badge:) He currently resides in our backyard and we saddle him up and Eden goes for rides! Not really but you get the picture. We don’t have a pug but we do have a badger. Pretty cool, huh?

Update on this: My dad said that badgers will ruin your lawn and that we need to have animal control come and take him to a proper place for a badger. So my hopes of having a pet were just crushed.

Eden is such a good little baby. Garrett and I are pro-sleep training (I know this isn’t for everyone but for the friends of our, who have done it, it has worked wonders). So we decided to give it a try. I was kind of thinking in my head, if she cries more than 5 minutes I won’t do this ever again. Even though everyone said that it would be a couple of hard days and then it would work wonders. So the first night I put Eden in her crib when she done with her swing time (we put her in her swing for 30 minutes after she eats to reduce her spitting up and help with her acid reflux). I thought for sure she would cry. So I turned on her sleepy lamb (plays the sound of a heartbeat) and she was wide awake. Five minutes go by and she wasn’t crying. I go and check on her to find that she is still awake but looking a little sleepy. Ten minutes later I go in and find a sleeping little nugget! She put herself to sleep with no crying!! She has done this ever since (this has been going on for almost 4 weeks now). I am amazed!!! She goes into her crib at 8:30pm. No cries, although sometimes when she has a tummy ache she needs her paci re-put in a few times (she still doesn’t cry, just squeaks for it).

I honestly didn’t think it would be this easy and I am afraid of what our future kids will be like. But she is a happier baby throughout the day because she goes to bed at the same time. She also now gets sleepy around 8 after she eats so we might be moving up her nighttime feeding so she can go to bed earlier. We truly have been blessed!

A change in attitude.

I have learned in the past week that crying over circumstances is just bad and stinks a lot. Would I like to be a stay at home mom? Absolutely! 100%! You name the day and I am there! But right now that is just not possible. All last week I cried and was upset over going back to work and missing out on Eden during the day (don't get me wrong, I like my job but I like my little girl more). While I still do feel I am missing out on her during the day I decided to change my attitude and thoughts. I am working because I am doing what is best for my family right now at this exact moment. I am doing what is best for Eden and what is best for Garrett and I. Garrett would love for me to stay home also and he is trying to make that happen but until then, I can’t let myself get depressed over it. One thing that has helped is that I remind myself that I get to spend time with Eden while she is at her best – in the morning when she wakes up and wants to play and eat, at lunch time when she is hungry and alert, and in the evenings when she wants to be snuggled.

I still cry every once in awhile and still need reassurance that I am doing the right thing (which Garrett does every day). There have been plenty of women (and men) who think I should stay home regardless of our financial ability. Their judgment hurts a lot and a lot of them mean no harm but it still hurts. If there was a way, we would. I am not working so we can go on a trip or live a lavish lifestyle or buy a new car or so I can get new clothes, I am working to pay bills and provide health insurance. Garrett just does not make enough to cover our basic needs each month (if he had my job and I had his I would be able to stay at home). And what bothers me the most is when people think Garrett is not doing all he can to provide for us. He is and has always done that.

Probably the hardest part for me right now is balancing time. My evenings are spent with my family because I don’t get to during the day. I signed up for a women’s Bible study but am probably not going to do it since it will take time away from the already small amount of evening time during the week that I get to spend with Eden. I also feel left out in many of the “groups” I am in. Everyone we know at our church stays at home with their kids, there really isn’t any one for me to really share my struggles with. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of wonderful people to talk to about these things but no one who understands and can relate. Then here at work, these women want to work – this works for them and staying at home isn't for everyone but they don’t understand where I am coming from. I am once again the odd man out. Oh well.

Okay, okay, I am done with my little rant…I just needed to get it off my chest.

On to something that I know you will want to actually read – how Eden is doing!

She had her 2 month check up and shots. She weighs 10lbs 12oz and is 22 inches tall - it made me laugh that the doctor said that! She is plumping up:) The doctor said she is doing really well and is surprised that she is already almost sleeping through the night (she gets up at about 5am after going to be at 8:30pm) since she is exclusively breastfed. Her shots went well but I felt so bad because she was sucking on her paci and they stuck the needle in her first leg and her eyes got big and out came her paci and a sad face came up and she took a big breath in…then came the saddest scream/cry I have ever heard. She did great though! She was happy as soon as they were over and I got her fed.

Eden is such a joy:) We like getting her from her crib in the morning and playing with her in bed. She smiles all the time for us and is so alert. She also loves to go for walks and she takes showers all by herself! Just kidding but we do take her in the shower with us and she loves it!

Anywho, thanks for reading this and letting me vent a bit. We are praying that Garrett will find a better job to support our family and that God would ease the ache of my heart. So for now I am just taking each day as it comes and being thankful for what God has provided us as a means to provide for our family.

Back to work I go(:

My maternity leave is coming to an end way too fast. I go back to work on Tuesday and have already shed many tears over the fact that I have to leave Eden in the hands of someone else. There is nothing I can do but be thankful for the fact that I know the woman and I will be literally a minute or two away from her and get to go nurse her and spend time with her over my lunch hour. I am not sure how this week will go and am hoping to have a positive outlook each day as I drop her off.

Eden will be 8 weeks tomorrow and I cannot believe how incredibly fast time has gone. She is almost 2 months old, which is practically half a year, which is almost one year old, which is pretty much 5, which might as well be 10, and that is practically 18 and she is off to college... I am trying to make sure I cherish each moment that I am with her and remember every little detail of her face because it will change. I already look back at pictures and am amazed at how much she has already changed. She is getting so big and strong!

Well, I am starting to tear up thinking about Tuesday morning and missing parts of her day that I have gotten to share for the past 8 weeks. So here are some pictures!

1. Naked at great-great-grandma's because I pooped out my outfit.

2. Naked again.

3. I like being naked or mom wanted to make sure I didn't poop out another cute outfit.

4. Great-great-grandma holding me in the dress she bought me before I pooped it out.

5. At the hotel sitting up.

6. Gerber baby picture:)

7. Me with my bitty baby - taking a nap.

8. Being cute for dad.

9. It was cold so I got to wear a cute outfit!

10. Mom trying to capture my smile - she isn't that good at picture taking and I am too quick.

11. Chillaxing...